Entry: UNLUCKY... Thursday, July 31, 2008

Horrible wife.  That's me right now.  And it's a great way to describe it, depending on who you happen to talk to about it.  This was taken out of context from an email simply because I can't muster the heart to make it into a real blog post:

"...Night went okay.  I was really tired.  Matt was really upset/depressed about something.  He had a very brief and vague vent session with me, about being jealous how life just really worked out for Garrett (his best friend), and how some things about Matt are making him upset that he is who he is.  He was really vague about the whole thing.  Wanting to talk about it, not wanting to be so vulnerable, not wanting to talk about it.  I know what itís boiling down to, Jess.  And it breaks my heart that itís all my fault.  And yet stirs me to anger at the same time.

Heís not getting enough.

And I donít want to do anything about it.  Heís been sweet for the most part (aside from STILL having no idea whatís going on with me or this pregnancy from having not read anything about it), but heís been lovey dovey for the past few weeks, but heís still not getting it but once every other weekend.  I just donít have the want to.  I try to force it, and it happens from time to time, but Iím sitting there the whole time thinking about everything else under the sun.

He pointed out his lack of luckiness in front of my parents (read: AWKWARD for me!), and my mom was all ďjust because youíre pregnant doesnít me you donít put outĒ or something along those lines.  Iím flushing red just thinking about it.  I want to be there for him.  But I also want to be there for me, too.  I know from experience that being the only one interested makes for a very not-fun night.

I donít know how to fix it."


September 2, 2008   02:45 PM PDT
i wish i would have seen this earlier. i was the same way hun. it's different for everyone. i really wasn't interesting in 'doing it' while i was pregnant. there are a lot of emotions and physical things that happen when you are pregnant that cause changes. i was horribly sick and my hubby understood that but he still complained about not getting any. i think its the same with all guys. i think a very small handful have a fear of 'doing it' with pregnant women. otherwise they just don't seem to care and i don't think they will till they start having babies too.

i hope things get better. i'll be thinking of you.
August 7, 2008   11:46 AM PDT
pregnancy brings a woman to a place of emotional contemplation.She becomes overwhelmed by the way she feels and most men are not very considerate of this.Men think of things in pictures,that explains the popularity of porn.Women like romance novels.What kinds of intellectual connotation does that bring to mind.Women like to feel and express themseleves emotionally. men jus like to screw
July 31, 2008   12:30 PM PDT
Honey ... your body is changing. Your hormones are running rampant trying to make sure that your body is doing the mother thing. You could never be a horrible anything.

It infuriates me that "putting out" is the be all and end all of a man's happiness. Grrrrrr.

Sweetheart ... there's a time for everything under heaven, remember that. You never have to do anything for anyone but you and Gavin right now. Don't let anyone convince you that you "SHOULD" be doing this or that. You're doing exactly what you should be doing right now ... coping with the constant change that's going on in you!

Besides that, where in the "book of rules" does it say that THEY don't have to GET us in the mood. We don't perform on cue, you know.

Sweet girl, I wish I was there to hold you and be your cheerleader.

p.s. IMHO, he should be ashamed of himself for making the mother of his child feel that way. I don't dislike him ... you know that ... but his behavior sucks right now.

July 31, 2008   12:24 PM PDT
You are not a horrible anything.

Life is always changing as well as circumstances.

Just do what you can when you can. In the long run, he will understand.

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